Mixed emotions...

My grandfather died yesterday. I haven't spoken to him for years, and he crossed physical and emotional boundaries with me that are still impacting my life and my relationships today, so needless to say, I'm not sad to see him go.   He was an alcoholic, I think, and a misogynistic, racist, generally horrible man.   It's not nice to speak ill of the dead. I know that. And with the Jewish tradition of having someone in the ground so quickly, I cannot get to his funeral without a $2k travel bill.  Not that I would want to go, but I know my mother is not handling it very well, and for HER, I would suck it up.

Eleanor never met him. I never allowed it. I'm hopeful that this will make going down to Florida easier, and perhaps she can meet her great-grandmother.  Who also may not be the nicest lady in town, but at least I am not worried that she'll hurt Ellie. My grandfather didn't earn the right to meet my daughter. My grandmother enabled him to be as nasty as he was, but she personally never hurt me.

Family is such a strange thing. I'm so lucky to have married someone who can look at family as a necessary  thing to be endured, but not believe in obligatory love.  We both feel that people need to earn love and respect, and various members of our respective families have lost that with us. So here we are, starting a family from scratch with very little in the way of how families are "supposed" to be.

All that being said, Trent and I were watching a British TV series the other night, World's Strictest Parents, and we both agreed on the basics of what Eleanor would and would NOT be raised with: self esteem is wonderful, but a child should not always get their way; Parents should be parents, not friends, etc...These children were fairly awful teens, and whilst I completely understand the premise of rebellion, we will do our best to instill a strong work ethic in Eleanor, as well as the idea that short-cutting around doing real work will not be rewarded.

It seems that so many people today, not just children, are intrinsically lazy!! There have been books and documentaries recently that highlight the selfishness and egocentrism of folks raised with the idea that they are the only people in the world who matter. You can see it in politics, you can see it in teenagers, and most recently, the riots around the world--why should "normal" people obey the laws if the people MAKING the laws, educated, privileged people, feel compelled to lie, cheat, and steal?

To put a more personal perspective, Eleanor is at the age now (17 mo) where she still is completely allowed to think that she is the centre of the world. But this is where the fundamentals have to be established.  It's fascinating to watch her figure things out, really. She can be quite rough and physical with the cats and dog, for example, so I am teaching her Gentle and Nice...so her first response is to 1) smack the cat 2) look to me for my reaction and then 3) kiss the cat.  Testing boundaries and figuring things out. Wild stuff, and it can be really hard not to laugh sometimes as she throws her food and promptly shrugs her shoulders like "What Happened?" and says "Uh Oh!"...

What happened?? (as she threw a blueberry to the dog)

Standing at the top of the slide applauding herself while I try to remain calm and tell her to SIT DOWN!

On Illness and Animals

Well, Eleanor is sick again. Mild pneumonia but the 2nd round in 4 months. Apparently, once she's had it once, she is pre-disposed to getting it again.  We had to go to CHEO today for more chest x-rays, and she was a champ, in spite of the archaic contraption they have set up to keep her in position...seems like the only chance I get to update this blog is when she's down and out...

That being said, since she started walking, she rarely ACTUALLY walks...She's full out running, and occasionally falling. Skinned knees are just how we roll. She's a really happy and fun toddler, REALLY strong-willed, and higher-power-help me (see there really is a lack of expletives that don't have religious connotations!!), the temper tantrums are starting early around these parts.  But she's getting more and more fun, and developing a heck of a sense of humour. I'm so lucky, getting to hang with her...most days...:)

There's something magical about watching her make connections.  Whether it's building and putting things together, physically, or climbing, or language...she still doesn't have a ton of words, but her sign language is exploding. And if she doesn't know the sign for something, she signs something else and then shakes her head No...

Example: while looking through her animal book, I ask her to show me the Elephant (one of her favourites)

Ellie points to Elephant and makes the sign and sound. Then she points to the Antelope. Well, Mommy doesn't KNOW that sign, so I say "that's an antelope!" So she signs Elephant, points to the antelope, and then shakes her head NO...so the sign for Antelope is now "not-an-elephant".  Wild.

We went to the Experimental farm here a couple of weeks ago before she got sick, and for a kiddo who LOVES her animal books, she's a bit hesitant about the "real deal". I guess I can't blame her. Cows ARE pretty massive to a 24 lb toddler...she quite liked the chickens, though. More her size.  And most recently, she is completely in love with our 15 year old Siamese cat and wants to follow him wherever he goes. Including up on the back of the sofa, onto and under tables, on the ottoman. Together, they pushed the 90 lb.  dog off of her chair, and Ellie read a story to Mouse.  OK, the little monkey is up, so I'm off for now!

Following Mouse wherever he goes

Reading to the cat